just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
