I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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