He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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