OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
