This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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