Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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