Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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