No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
