What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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