I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
