Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
