I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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