There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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