Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're like the curious george of whores
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
