Umm I'm too high to move.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
