I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize