It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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