Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
