My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
