thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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