The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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