Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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