The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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