Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Me too!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you traded sex for a burrito?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
