I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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