Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
