Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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