what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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