Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
