you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
