The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
