Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
