Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
