Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
