I can text with my tongue
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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