the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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