Your dad touched me again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
