i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize