Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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