If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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