do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
