well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
