I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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