You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
