I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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