I love black thongs
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
