Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
