I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
