just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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