He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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