There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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