I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
