he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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