he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
