so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
