Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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