i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think im in europe. pls send help
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
