ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
