does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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