I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
