i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
