Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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