New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
