Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
