spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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