you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
