Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
