Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
