I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
