he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
