Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
