yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
