the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
