I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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