i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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