So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
