I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
