We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
